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literature
Lucifer's song
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Literature Text
In exile I live
for speaking the truth.
Alone I now stand
for questioning him.
There is no sin worse
than that of free will
which he gave to us all.
You know it's right
yet you turn a blind eye
for he is pure.
You know him by name:
creator of flame,
destroyer of man.
You have gained your fame
so hallowed...be thy name.
for speaking the truth.
Alone I now stand
for questioning him.
There is no sin worse
than that of free will
which he gave to us all.
You know it's right
yet you turn a blind eye
for he is pure.
You know him by name:
creator of flame,
destroyer of man.
You have gained your fame
so hallowed...be thy name.
just something I thought up.
please tell me what you think.
please tell me what you think.
© 2014 - 2024 feardemon
Comments3
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Hi, Sean here from We-Poets, stopping by because you requested a critique for this.
This one's very cool. It's simple and straightforward, so I don't want to suggest too many edits. Here are just a few small edits I do think are worth making though:
There is no sin worse
***Not necessary, but "There's" feels better here than "There is"
you know him by name
***You + comma after "name"
creator of flame
***Period after "flame"
you have gained your fame
Hallowed...be thy name.
***I think you can make this awesome ending even...awesomer? lol by writing it this way:
Now you've gained your fame,
so hallowed be thy name.
____
Just my thoughts, choose from those what you like. Very cool poem though no matter what! I'm big on the free will thing too, by the way. It makes for a great topic!
-Sean
This one's very cool. It's simple and straightforward, so I don't want to suggest too many edits. Here are just a few small edits I do think are worth making though:
There is no sin worse
***Not necessary, but "There's" feels better here than "There is"
you know him by name
***You + comma after "name"
creator of flame
***Period after "flame"
you have gained your fame
Hallowed...be thy name.
***I think you can make this awesome ending even...awesomer? lol by writing it this way:
Now you've gained your fame,
so hallowed be thy name.
____
Just my thoughts, choose from those what you like. Very cool poem though no matter what! I'm big on the free will thing too, by the way. It makes for a great topic!
-Sean